Jokes of the day 17

                                    

I fear Enugu people o, they stole my friend's phone and his phone's ear  piece was still singing until he got home😂😁😂😁

She asked me "What do you do for a living"? then I replied "I analyze and invest in highly risky business opportunities that has the possibilities of high returns,I deal with international investment of over 1.5,2.5,3.5, analyzing and investing in business opportunities across England,Spain,Italy,Germany,France etc " She was very excited but she never knew I was talking about BET9JA. 😂😂😂


*Imagine "You go to the drug shop to buy poison to kill yourself but you still wait for balance...*😳😳😳😳😳
 *are you serious?! "*
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


 That moment when you finally decided to poison your Step bro...😂😂😂😂
And after the meal you keep looking at him and smiling 😂😂😂and he be like...😕😕😕
This one you are looking at me and smiling did you see me when I exchange the food???😨😨😨😨😨😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


When a S€x scene comes up on TV, 😻😻😻and the family is watching😱😱😱. African fathers will just start asking yeye questions like😏😏: Paul, have you ironed my car?😧😧 And Paul glued to the TV will answer: No dad; I was busy watering the radio.👀" Ok Paul, go and look for my head. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🙆‍♂🙆‍♂🙆‍♂🙆‍♂🙆‍♂🙆‍♂🙆‍♂🙆‍♂🙆‍♂🙆‍♂
🙆‍♂🙆‍♂🙆‍♂


OMG Some guys can pretend even while
having s€x just to prove they are good boys...😢😢😢
.
They be like;"baby is that the hole?"😂😂😂😂
.
Nooo, that's the gate.
Rubbish!😜😜😜😜


 It's only in Nigeria you'll see couples in a G-wagon on their wedding day...then after that day...they'll be dragging seat with u in a keke 😹😹👌⚡
Abeg nah Wah happened to d G-wagon?😂😂⚡


Nothing is more painful than using the whole Saturday to wash your boyfriend's clothes, Only for him to break up with you on Sunday morning.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Kill him The police will understand



I WANT A GIRL WHO WILL BE LIKE.

GIRL:BABY YOU SEE THAT MY FRND
ME : WHICH ONE
GIRL : RITA
ME : OH YAH,  WHAT HAS SHE DONE?
GIRL : BABY, SHE DOIN GUY GUY, CHOP HER FOR ME
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


 No matter how ugly you are, once you have money, women will always find something cute on you like "Aww he has a cute shadow"😆😜😂😱🤣 Girls sha
🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶


*Women will kill us*
A prisoner managed to escape after 12 years in prison. Arrived at home, exhausted, tired, his wife said to him:
"On the news, they said you escaped at 5 o'clock, it's 10 o'clock, where were you?" ...
The guy was flabbergasted. *He went back to the police and gave himself up* 😂😂😂😂


If I Break Your Heart And You Date My Father, John 10:30 Says I And My Father Are One😂😂😂...
We go play u gala
So don't try.. Na Ebony is fooling you.


When you're having s€x with a pregnant
woman and suddenly a small hand holds your
Dick from inside and says "I got you
motherfu©k€r" 😂 😂 😂


Pls Who has been into a long term relationship like 5-6yrs*
*I need your past questions wai*
Save a brother....
😂😂😂😂😂


*You find someone bragging that they can't do some jobs coz they have a degree, just one degree????😱Just to remind you, a thermometer has 100 degrees and works under armpits.*
*BE HUMBLE!!* 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


When you visit your *boyfriend* for the first time and his *neighbours* start calling him names like .......... Ekun, Baddo, Sniper, Sharp Guy, Sharp Shooter, Jagulabi,  Tesojue,  Leonardo Dicarprio.  Omo oro ninu church ... 🤣🤣🤣

My dear sister😭 😭 😭;  *AJA 4!! GBERA🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃!!!


 Your prophet has six bodyguards and you have only his sticker on your phone to protect you my friend is your brain on flight mode


 Medical Fact:
"Did you know that if you bath at least twice daily, avoid alcohol, avoid smoking tobacco and go to gym regularly  for fitness, have sufficient sleep, eat fruits after each meal, avoid stress, stop using all sorts of drugs including caffeine found in tea and coffee and practice safe s€x regularly, you'll still die?!? 😅


Somebody said if an Ibadan man was the owner of whatsaap and Facebook, smileys would've had tribal marks. 😭😭😭


*Bae : Sweety I saw iPhone8 2day at the phone shop while coming back, it's very nice.*
*Boo; Really, do u like it ??*
*Bae : yes! Yes! Sweetie I love it*
*Boo; Don't worry 2moro I will give u transport to go and see it again...*😭😭



You Have a Bf And You Are Still Begging Someone Else Bf to Take u Out For Movies 😐 My Sister Have u Ever Seen MTN Staffs Collecting Salary From Glo 😜😝😝😂😂😂😂😂



Ur boyfriend dumped you
*2 weeks later*
*U realized he's getting married.*
*My sister chill at least you made it to de #semifinals*😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😎


 *DEFINITION OF WAHALA*
Your battery Is 1% and you see your boss at work upload pictures of him and his family on Facebook. You want to impress him, so you quickly comment *'Cool pics'*, but auto correct changes It to *"Cool Pigs"* and your battery runs out.
See ehnn, don't just bother explaining yourself. Just go and start learning how to drive Keke Napep.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 You and your household will not enter wahala this week Amen!


*Breakup can really damage your health,I remember one time my galfriend broke up with me via whatsapp while I was on my way to pick my cousin in school, I came home with the wrong kid*🤷🏼‍♂🙆🏼‍♂🙆🏼‍♂🙆🏼‍♂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


*TEACHER*: _Give an example of business failure due to careless management_
*STUDENT*: _A prostitute getting pregnant._
*TEACHER*: _get Out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_
😂😂


Nowadays when ladies wash their face in a bucket you can use it to paint your 2 bedroom walls😂😂😂😂😂


Dear guys😎, if you're sitting next to a beautiful lady👸 in a taxi and she starts smiling at you, my brother... don't smile back😖, I repeat, don't smile back until she pays her taxi fare


My Ex girlfriend jux called me n said she can't sleep.I told her to read Issiah 48:22."There's no rest 4 the wicked"


New Research*
*Dating a beautiful girl is like having Ronaldo in your club, All clubs want to buy, so you keep negotiating payment worst if she decides to leave on loan*
My brother
 date girls that resemble sagna few clubs want.


Some girls will be snoring like dragon only for them to wake up and start updating their status like " Gosh awh! Slept like a baby".
My sister wait biko. A baby dragon or what? I'm not understanding nio


Why Warri does not have a University!!!
As Warri big reach, dem no get federal university.
It's not because they don't want it but, it(s because they don't have a name for it.
Imagine Lagos (UNILAG)
Benin (UNIBEN) Calabar (UNICAL)
PH (UNIPORT)
Then, Warri would be UNIWAR. And their courses will be like: pipe vandalization technology, militant engineering, kidnapping management etc
Abeg who wan go?  🏃🏃🏃🏃 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁