Joke of the week 1- 2019

   Enjoy our joke of the day 1 for 2019 and laugh out loud through out your day.... if you are not laughing, den it not a joke...

• I think my neighbor brought another girl home, bcos this is not how his girlfriend use to moan. Lemme go and borrow maggi☺
•  If you have a crush on someone, hide it very well because the moment you tell them, they will start acting like deputy jesus.
• You did blood money and you're still stingy, blood that is not even your own sef😒...THunDer fIre u
• Hahahaa!! Some Girls will wear pant and wear under tight on top and still wear Jean.What type of security is that?
• Imagine when your rent is due and BOOM, your sugar Daddy dies. You will cry more than his Wife.
• That moment when you want to laugh and remember quickly that you have not seen your period♨
• A real woman 👩will stay awake 😴the whole night just to make sure mosquitoes don’t disturb her husband.*
• Some Girls Are Fine From Far But When You Get Close, They Are Far From Fine..*
• That moment when you send your boyfriend your picture without make up and he’ll be like “lmao Who’s this Babe”..!!*
• If you’re arguing with your girl and she says,  “So let me get this straight” she’s about to mix up everything you just said..
• Do you know that You think you mean the world to some people , until you enter their heart and discover you are just a small village without light and water..?
• Its only in Africa your parents will advice you for six hours and still tell you, I don't have much to say to you
• Heart break can make you go to the ATM and start dialing his number. Wisdom ehh  
•  If u don't pay her bills, Biko allow her cheat in peace, Don't be a wicked boyfriend
•  No gal is single.. u either snatch her frm some1 or share her wit some1 but d most important is 2 be d highest SHAREHOLDER
•  Dear my Future Kids, 

I'm not the one delaying you. It's your mother who is still busy dating useless  guys. I hope they  don't finish your milk...    

Yours  patient and responsible  dad..✍✍✍✍

• The way female bankers explain account opening is so s3xy....hmmmmm They will be like “I will open it for you so you can put something inside ok? Whether big or small just put something🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃
• When visiting a sick🤕 person.

Americans: Get well soon
British: Speedy recovery mate.
Nigerians : na this same thing kill okafor last year o

•  He ask u out you refuses, he now ask ur friend out and she agreed, now u call him womanizer abeg if you apply for UNILAG and u don't get admitted won't u try LASU🤔🤔🤔🤔
• Imagine going through your bae's phone and see. "sidechick"😡 in the call log and when you call it BoOom💣!. . your phone rings... 💔
• When your ex unblocks you on Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram... Just know that life is hard on the other side.
• What is a wedding?

 wedding is a gathering of people where two people are thinking of s3x and the rest of the people are thinking of food

• Guys please pray for your mothers. Only few ladies still want their mother in-law alive. 😂
• A Prostitute Won A Jackpot of 100 Million and She said she was going to use the money to expand her business..

Chai see problem

• A Racist is anybody or group of persons dat separates Albinos from Whitemen ....White is white.... 
• Every African home has two popular stainless plates with covers that is used by the father alone.     It's in the constitution
• Apart from ME 👳‍♀, Who else has never fainted since they were born. I swear no matter how I try, it won't work..😂😂😂
• In Nigeria, the only time your siblings believe dat u ar sick is wen u eat food & remain some for them...🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪
• Teacher: ''Construct a sentence using the word "sugar''

me:  ''I drank tea this morning.''
Teacher: ''Where is the word sugar.''
me: ''It is already in the tea..!!''

• The HUSBAND OF A WITCH IS A WIZARD! AND THEIR CHILDREN ARE WIZKIDS. 🏃
• : For Abroad, oyinbo dem get 4 seasons which are, winter, spring, autumn and summer. but in Nigeria we  Mango, orange, udara, pear and season of pregnancy.
•  How Chinese people choose their kids name, very simple, They just throw their pots and pans down the stairs and listen to their sounds *"Dong-Ping-Wong-Feng-Chung".*
•  To my future wife. I love you so much Darling😍 may God continue to spoil all your relationship till further notice 
•  Girls with big lips? When they peck you? it sounds like screenshots
•  BY NOW SOMEONE'S FUTURE WIFE IS IN ANOTHER MAN'S BED SHOUTING BABY EAT ME LIKE INDOMiE😁😁😁
• I see one boy and one girl them wan go the same university graduate together, serve together and marry each other, Make I tell them.... Idiot

• ME:  MOM AT WHAT AGE CAN I GO OUT AND COME BACK ANYTIME I WANT. MOM:  EVEN UR DAD SEF NEVER REACH THAT AGE
•  SHORT PEOPLE CAN COMMIT SUICIDE BY JUMPING OFF THE BED
• ITS ONLY IN NIGERIA YOU WOULD SEE 10 BOYS TEACHING ONLY ONE GIRL HOW TO SWIM 
•  who else feels like a celebrity, when passengers and conductor are looking for one more person for the bus to be full,then you show up
• Once I was talking to a girl on webcam and her dad walked in... I pretended to be an advertisement 

• Gentlemen in 2019 let's stop cheating please, One girlfriend per district is enough

• IF I MADE YOU LAUGH THIS YEAR IN ANY WAY, OYA DO bonanza  FOR ME.shame d devil ask 4 my acct number..
• If your cucumber is not up to 15inches..... Don't call yourself a man, you're still a boy😂😂😂
• Have you ever joined your mum looking for the money you stole??  Come and enter heaven lemme see 
• No Matter how bad you're.. U are not completely useless. U can still be  used as a "Bad Example"
•  No matter how cute and modernized you are, you must look like a goat while eating sugar cane
• If you think the sound of the  shoot of an AK47 gun is loud, then you have never heard a sound of a falling pot lid when you are trying to steal meat at night*
• If she say, *"I hope someone won't break my head ooo", She is asking  *"If you have a girlfriend..."
• You Called Her Ugly Back In High School…, Now she is fine, You’re In Her Unread Messages
• I Have A Problem Of Not Finishing Sentences. It All Started Last Week When I…
• If You Find A Woman That Makes You Laugh Keep Her🤞 Women Are Not Funny 💁‍♀️
• Short people are the major reason why we don't see money on the floor again
•  A day will come when Heaven's gate will open and the cloud will change, Some idiots will think its weather for two not knowing its rapture for one
• The longer u stay single, the more they chew ya future wife..
• Before engaging her in public, use play play ask her in private ooo! All this girls don't have conscience oo!😂😂😂
•  Never reject any gift from ur Ex... It's ur Pension, So accept it with joy and happiness😂
•  Imagine!!!! A relationship ended because a guy's true caller identified his bae number as Airport ashawo
• HOW TO DESCRIBE A PLACE IN LONDON AND IN NIGERIA

LONDON
13 Liverpool Street, off Queen Elizabeth Park, Suite C5 first floor, Room 7A..
But In NAIJA
"If you reach Ebeleku street, you will see one big gutter, by the right there's a shrine. Jump the gutter and corner left.
Do as if you're going right but be cornering left small small.
Be going down down... straaaaaight! They use to smoke weed on that street, If any body stop you don't answer just hold your bag tight.
Until you will see one place they're selling akamu in front of one ogogoro kiosk: opposite where they used to throwey dustbin.
Just stand there and flash me. I will come out 

• Nigerian nurse are so rude ehh. They will call you by your sickness. " Oga gonorrhea, where you dey go " 
• Nigerians and pidgin English, Which one is toilet dey hungry me
• people that gossip in keke and buses,learn to be fast please. *It's painful going home wondering how the story ended.
•  Since buhari became president Mtn stopped that callertune of "life is richer with Mtn"
• Nothing hurts more than when they are separating your fight and your opponent gives you last slap on target

  Share you comments, let us know the joke that made you laugh the most.... we hope you enjoyed it, if you did, then watch out for joke of the week 2...